Let Freedom Reign

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Donald Trump and Miss USA
Rumors that Miss USA, Tara Elizabeth Conner, may bequeath her crown due to disreputable conduct have been spattered in the tabloids from NYC to Sydney, Australia. Apparently, The Donald will deliberate this week with George and Ivanka to decide whether or not to fire her like some schmuck on The Apprentice or stand behind her like a true patriot.

So what if she's not a priss. That's not why our blessed grunts are spilling their precious blood over seas. If we wanted our women to tow the line and sacrifice their souls for some bullshit Leave It to Beaver ideal, then why bother with the Taliban and those holy warriors in Iraq.
Miss USA Tara Conner
So what if Miss USA has taken the term "bottle whore" to a new level by consuming vast amounts of blow while distributing the same to every club owner in the Meat Packing District. And so what if she drinks alcohol like a failed writer on the dole, even if she is underage, she's been able to comport herself more maturely than our other anointed southern belle.

 Is anyone truly surprised that Miss USA is a coke snorting, cock smoking socialite? Did we honestly believe Paris Hilton was unique? This is America. If a gorgeous, successful 20-year-old can't live a little, what have we become?

Alas, the great bastion of morality that is Trump will seize back the crown to preserve the austerity of his franchise and America's perverse infatuation with beauty pageants less he condone this image for Miss Teen USA to follow. (Like it ain't too late.)

Miss USA Tara Conner
Perhaps it's best. Once Tara is dethroned, our patron saint of freedom and the American Dream will come to her rescue. If only Hef had a cape, but I suppose a private jet and the Girls Next Door are close enough. Our fallen angel can cash in with a spread in Playboy and do her country proud.

 Let the grunts plaster her centerfold in their dust filled barracks to remember what they're fighting for while they scoop beans out of a can. Or better yet, let's superimpose our naked beauty queen on the front of every charging tank and swooping Blackhawk as a refutation to those who treat women as subjects and fear what freedom will bring -- equality, a lust for life, and a plethora of amusing gossip columns.