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Showing posts from 2010

The Tenth Post

Last chance to one-up '09 and perhaps reflect on the year gone by. Not sure I can put it in perspective, but I'm inspired by Robert De Niro's interview in Esquire, there's some real wisdom there.

Not sure what the new year will bring, but have to figure out a way to have the creative cells grow like microbiotic ones feasting on complicated sugars in the digestive tract.

Perhaps it's time to throw down the gauntlet, construct a discipline to utilize my time and life more efficiently as TIME LIFE runs out of money.

Balance is key. A new mentor might help. Who knows?

Of course I must give thanks and recognize the existing balance in my life. The good fortune and wonderful people I know and love. I realize if nothing more is to come of it, that's fine, but I suspect this is only the beginning and I should gird my loins.

A champagne toast to pain, a sham or a shame depending on your view through the pane.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind…

My Review of Black Swan

When the lights came up at the conclusion of the film, I hid my runny nose in a white tissue under the guise of a common cold so that no one would suspect me of being too emotional and I could not get home fast enough to write a review, which I seldom do.

From the beginning, a man's head was in my direct line of vision and two chatty old ladies behind me were telling one another irritating versions of how they arrived to the Pavillion through the remnants of a mammoth urban snowfall. The guy next to me subtly offered his share of the armrest which I politely declined, but appreciated his acknowledgement of this sliver of personal space in an otherwise crowded room.

Black Swan tormented me nearly as much as its torn cuticles tormented the guy next to me. The only scene that horrified him more was when Mila Kunis ripped off Natalie Portman's underwear, which I did not mind. The two beautiful A-listers were like chocolate covered pretzels, savory and sweet, and still I was uneasy …

lunatic

Waters meat
Gilmour gravy
Pink is sweet
Floyd is lazy
Band complete
barrett crazy.


Do You Believe in Miracles? YES!

I have been thinking of that call by a young sports journalist in the 1980 Olympic Games when the United States Men's Hockey Team led by coach Herb Brooks defeated the mighty Soviet Union by the score of 4 to 3. With three seconds left to play an exuberant Al Michaels put to words what the world had just witnessed.

That victory seemed to ignite a sense of hope in America that President Ronald Reagan was able to seize and put an end to the Cold War and the feeling of impending doom we children of the eighties felt hanging over our heads each day.

Recently I have been entrenched in my own feeling of doom. I have chronicled my battle with Crohn's Disease on the blog and the latest chapter will be written this Thursday when I go in for my second ileocolic resection in three years.

So far I have suffered through seven months of sharp pain and withering away. I am now 145 pounds, down from my jolly 200, and find myself singing that catchy Pants on the Ground song made famous on Ame…

The Good Outweighs the Bad Fifty-Fifty

The crypt door is about to close
upon my numb yet tingling toes
while the medical bills continue to stack
compounding interest on a chronic attack
as the doctor shakes his head in disbelief
and the loved ones do all they can to hide their grief
the tomb is quiet with time to think
siphoned by new media's boundless ink
we suffer and voice our genuine despair
for whom we don't know, nor do we care
but yearn for life like a wonder drug
bulging on the skin like a greedy bed bug
life feeds off life and ends in death
daring each of us to hold our breath
while the cost of living sings with glee
there ain't no such thing in the world as free
so we come and then we go
leaving others to reap and sew
the same conundrum we all must face
that nothing lasts in this holy place
except this notion that pushes us on
in spite of odds it may all be gone
to tighten our belts and remain thrifty
and hope the good outweighs the bad fifty-fifty.



Life Burns Bright

It begins slow. A few beers at a friend's apartment adorned with Indian skeletons and comfortable couches. Off to a cocktail reception in a cab to midtown. Eat light, drink from Tom Collins glasses while chattering idly about things present and future with old acquaintances. Across the street to a hole-in-the-wall for contrast. Jimmy sitting in the corner playing video poker. Shots and beers, gay conversation and a beautiful woman in a blue dress who has simply had too much. On to another bar for mozzarella sticks and vodka in short glasses. Revelry highlighted by the Mets winning after a rain delay that did not catch you although it did others. And then, alone, you settle the tab and hail a cab. Call the wife while zig-zagging through the financial district across the Brooklyn Bridge where you stop in the corner bar and your neighbor is happy to see you. Then home where your wife fixes you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and pours you a tall glass of water to go with your aspi…

Nearby a Bar in Buffalo

People laugh when I tell them I would sweat bullets in Buffalo, but they never had a bat the size of a 747 buzz them while they were strumming chords on a stairway landing in the
main foyer of an old building causing them to drop their guitar with a reverberating bellow and retreat back to their apartment. 


I'd sweat through my t-shirt as the heat seemed to suck the air from the one-time factory that faced Main Street with its back on North Pearl Street a few blocks from Artvoice's office where I secured a summer internship.

My bedroom window faced Main Street and was opened wide letting in the heated arguments between lesbian lovers that would spill out from the bar nearby late at night. I'd lie awake listening and invariably find myself taking sides based on whose case was more convincing. This steady stream of drama piqued my curiosity and I visited the bar one day to take a look. It was daytime and there weren't many patrons. Upon inspection, the bar was no different …

Yes Vice President Biden, 'This Is a Big F--king Deal!'

On this day when Health Care Reform was signed into law with two boxes of pens and an unyielding left hand, I received confirmation from my doctor that I have a recurrence of Crohn's Disease at the point of surgery I underwent just over two years ago to remove it. While I am fortunate to have had coverage throughout my life, I shudder to think what may happen if and when I lose it.

To President Obama and the bleeding hearts in Congress, your actions today have done more to preserve freedom for Americans than a thousand wars ever could -- the freedom of the sick to suffer without the added burden of knowing the potential financial liability their illness may have on their loved ones. That's a big fucking deal in my book.

Haunted

Haunted by the misuse of letters
and a generation of bed wetters,
Haunted by our government debtors and casual Super Bowl bettors,
Haunted by the beauty I can not possess and the empty bottles to subdue my stress,
Haunted by the things I can not confess and the image of a devil wearing a blue dress,
Haunted by a disease with no known cure and the politics of business I seldom abhor,
Haunted by the feelings I'm not so sure who it was outside my door,
Haunted by the memory inside my head and the Sunday evenings right before bed,
Haunted by the letters which are still unread
and the dreams deferred that end up dead.



Haiti

Life and love are four-letter words
spreading their wings like soaring birds
Rising high and pristine like a snowy peak
only to fall like a salty tear down a cheek

Happiness comes when we least expect it
and then a tragedy greedily affects it
No one can fathom an explanation
and no one should turn their back on a hungry nation

We are one in our humanity
puzzled by the world's insanity
We must lay down contrived polarity
and help our brothers and sisters in solidarity

Surely where there is death and pain
Life and love will rise again
Even if it's for only a moment
The people of Haiti have always shown it.